If we follow our heart and resolve not to hurt others along the way, we are unlikely to have any regrets!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you have nagging regrets as you move along in life? Regrets that do not allow you to enjoy the present moment to its full potential, whipping up traces of “What ifs…” and “Wish I hadn’t….” What do you regret?
One comes across more people who admit to nursing regrets, rather than those who proclaim they have none. Of the regrets people most admit to being assailed by are -- not having paid more attention to academics, their choice of career or of a life partner, or not having given enough time to a loved one. They carry these burdens through life, thus ensuring their careers and marriages never give them the satisfaction they would have otherwise derived from these. People living with regrets have convinced themselves that they are stuck with second best. This recipe for disaster ends up affecting their lives negatively, thus reinforcing their belief further.
Have you ever felt your life might have been entirely different had you made different choices down the road? Of course you have; all of us do. The difference is in what we do about these “turning point” thoughts. Some of us dismiss them thinking Destiny leads us through life, influencing each option presented to us and every choice we make. So we must focus on dealing with the cards life has dealt us, rather than live in perpetual regret of what we did not get! Others however believe we ourselves determine the paths our lives take through the choices we make at different stages of life.
American author Anne Tyler begins her book Back When we were Grownups with the sentence, “Once upon a time there was a woman who discovered she had turned into the wrong person.” At 53, Rebecca Davitch, matriarch of a large family and head of the family-run business, is struck by the fear that she is leading a life not meant for her. She wonders what her “true” life would have been like if she hadn’t interrupted it by ditching her University sweetheart for an older man with three kids. Rebecca embarks on a journey to see if she can pick up the threads of that other life again, but realizes ultimately “There is no true life. Your true life is the one you end up with, whatever it may be. You just do the best you can with what you’ve got.”
This to me is the crux of the matter. If all of us could accept that the life we live is the one meant for us, it would lead to a great sense of calm and acceptance. The angst of living with second best would give way to a peaceful acceptance of one’s lot. Nobody likes to go through life moping about what ‘could have been’, or even living around people who do so! There is no idea talking about or focusing on all that you could have done had circumstances been any different. The reality is that circumstances were NOT different and regret as you might today, nothing is going to change them for you now. However if you pay attention to influencing circumstances now and making the right choices at this point in life, you can save yourself a lot of regret and heartburn in the future!
Being beset with doubts about yourself and the life you chose is well-recognised symptom of mid-life crisis. It is at this stage that many people choose to jump off the bandwagon, chucking the life they have built for themselves till that stage and starting afresh, be it in their careers or personal lives. This is what accounts for many men walking out of their homes in late life, leaving their families to fend for themselves.
Can we do anything to ensure we are not assailed by regret as we move along in life? I spoke to many friends who declared they have no regrets. And from our discussions emerged some learnings that can be shared here. The one thing that is critical to a life of no-regrets is that one must never do anything that goes against one’s grain. Be faithful to the values you choose to believe in so that at least you know you followed your principles and would do the same all over again!
An important learning is not to say hurtful stuff to people you care about. It is also important to follow your heart so that you do not regret missing out on things you would have really wanted to do in life. I met a lady at friend’s Eid party who spoke of how her husband had given up a lucrative career to follow his passion. I admire someone who can do this, but certainly not someone who dumps his family to restart life or commits suicide to escape this life and start afresh. The first is taking responsibility of his life in his own hands and living with the result; the latter two are shrugging off their responsibilities onto others while taking the cowardly way out!
And yes, we must ensure we have enough time for our loved ones and make it a point to let them know they are loved well. Choices distract but if we sincerely follow our heart and resolve not to hurt others along the way, we are unlikely to have any regrets.
Have you ever felt your life might have been entirely different had you made different choices down the road? Of course you have; all of us do. The difference is in what we do about these “turning point” thoughts. Some of us dismiss them thinking Destiny leads us through life, influencing each option presented to us and every choice we make. So we must focus on dealing with the cards life has dealt us, rather than live in perpetual regret of what we did not get! Others however believe we ourselves determine the paths our lives take through the choices we make at different stages of life.
American author Anne Tyler begins her book Back When we were Grownups with the sentence, “Once upon a time there was a woman who discovered she had turned into the wrong person.” At 53, Rebecca Davitch, matriarch of a large family and head of the family-run business, is struck by the fear that she is leading a life not meant for her. She wonders what her “true” life would have been like if she hadn’t interrupted it by ditching her University sweetheart for an older man with three kids. Rebecca embarks on a journey to see if she can pick up the threads of that other life again, but realizes ultimately “There is no true life. Your true life is the one you end up with, whatever it may be. You just do the best you can with what you’ve got.”
This to me is the crux of the matter. If all of us could accept that the life we live is the one meant for us, it would lead to a great sense of calm and acceptance. The angst of living with second best would give way to a peaceful acceptance of one’s lot. Nobody likes to go through life moping about what ‘could have been’, or even living around people who do so! There is no idea talking about or focusing on all that you could have done had circumstances been any different. The reality is that circumstances were NOT different and regret as you might today, nothing is going to change them for you now. However if you pay attention to influencing circumstances now and making the right choices at this point in life, you can save yourself a lot of regret and heartburn in the future!
Being beset with doubts about yourself and the life you chose is well-recognised symptom of mid-life crisis. It is at this stage that many people choose to jump off the bandwagon, chucking the life they have built for themselves till that stage and starting afresh, be it in their careers or personal lives. This is what accounts for many men walking out of their homes in late life, leaving their families to fend for themselves.
Can we do anything to ensure we are not assailed by regret as we move along in life? I spoke to many friends who declared they have no regrets. And from our discussions emerged some learnings that can be shared here. The one thing that is critical to a life of no-regrets is that one must never do anything that goes against one’s grain. Be faithful to the values you choose to believe in so that at least you know you followed your principles and would do the same all over again!
An important learning is not to say hurtful stuff to people you care about. It is also important to follow your heart so that you do not regret missing out on things you would have really wanted to do in life. I met a lady at friend’s Eid party who spoke of how her husband had given up a lucrative career to follow his passion. I admire someone who can do this, but certainly not someone who dumps his family to restart life or commits suicide to escape this life and start afresh. The first is taking responsibility of his life in his own hands and living with the result; the latter two are shrugging off their responsibilities onto others while taking the cowardly way out!
And yes, we must ensure we have enough time for our loved ones and make it a point to let them know they are loved well. Choices distract but if we sincerely follow our heart and resolve not to hurt others along the way, we are unlikely to have any regrets.
